Hersh Goldberg-Polin's mother mourns 'beautiful gift' son at his funeral
Reflections on Motherly Love
As I reflect on the past 332 days, I am struck by the profound sense of loss and longing that has been a constant companion. Losing a child, even a beautiful gift like my son Hirsh, is a sorrow that pierces the heart. What amazes me, though, is the gratitude that surfaces, a thankfulness for the time I had to cherish and raise Hirsh as his mama. One burning question remains: What could I have done in a past life to be entrusted with such a precious gift?
For three wonderful years, I had the immense privilege of being Hirsh’s mother. In that time, I absorbed every moment, every memory, and every experience we shared. But even now, as the reality of his passing sinks in, my heart is consumed by grief and nostalgia. What an incredible gift Hirsh was, a spark that brightened every day! Now, though, those precious moments feel like fleeting dreams, ephemeral wisps of smoke that cannot be grasped.
For all these long months, my days have been overshadowed by anguish, my nights by fitful worry and fear. Every minute was a slow-burning, gnawing horror. I found myself compelled to suppress the aching to be reunited with my dear Hirsh, afraid that the anguish of parting would crush me beneath its weight. In reality, the anguish and loneliness grew, corroding my very soul like a fiery burning sensation, one that made my eyes burn, my throat tighten, and my heart quiver like an arrow shorn of its feathers.
One profound cruelty of these 332 days is that our family and I had come to take Hirsh’s homecoming for granted. Ample evidence seemed to guarantee that he would return, but fate has cruelly mocked our assumptions. What remained was merely a void, a crushing despair, an endless loop of why-me, when-was-my-turn to find my arms empty. As news poured in from every channel and social media outlet, offering updates and updates only on the lives and loves, I’ve become immune to the despair and despair I once couldn’t see because I saw that everything.
